Well yesterday was our big court day (and also one of the only days it snowed this winter so I got to travel in the yuckiness and it took forever to get there... True to Utah form it was nice and sunny on the way home)
As you'll remember, at the last hearing forty five days ago, mom was told that she had to pretty much walk on egg shells to accomplish a certain amount of things to continue receiving services. She was told if she did not complete the requirements she would no longer receive services from DCFS and a termination of rights hearing would then be scheduled to terminate her parental rights. (Assuming things went all textbook like) So obviously court was the day we'd been waiting for.
Going into it, we knew that mom had not done everything she was supposed to in those forty five days, although I felt she really had improved immensely. However she had broken a couple of nonnegotiables and DCFS, and the baby's attorney (GAL), recommended to the court that services should be terminated. So we expected a hearing that involved mom fighting for her baby and a real possibility that the judge would feel that she was deserving of more time.
The morning of court, Tanner went to work and I got the kiddos ready and took them to Grandma's with the exception of baby boy who would join us at court. Tanner met me there and we went through security and headed up to court together. We were unsure if mom would be there at all, she had yet to verify with the caseworker that she would be in attendance and had been very... Forgetful... The past few weeks. However, as we walked in we saw her sitting in front of the courtroom doors. She was very kind and pleasant and greeted us and the baby warmly. She was suffering from a head cold and chose not to hold him that day.
At the time, her attorney was in on another case and she had yet to speak to him. That meant that she was unaware of the court report written by DCFS to terminate services. When he was done, he came out and took her into a private room to discuss the upcoming proceedings. We all expected mom to come out very upset and possibly very angry. She's a mom who adores her children and who in her heart, wants to be there for them so we didn't think she'd take it kindly at all... Who among us would if placed in the same situation?
But as she came out of the room, she was very somber and still mild mannered and kind. Moments later, we were called into the courtroom and the lawyers kind of whispered amongst themselves. All I heard them say was: "three weeks?" "Yeah three weeks would work well for us." Not sure what that meant, we waited for the judge to enter. We went through the technical things and before anyone could speak, mom's attorney says they had something they like to say off the bat.
He began talking about how much mom loved baby boy and how she knew she had not done everything but had tried and knew the court would not be pleased with her as she wasn't pleased with herself. What came next still shocks me based on how well I've gotten to know her...I expected him to plead her case and ask for more time. Instead, he said that she knew that his foster family was taking excellent care of him and loved him and she would like to rescind her rights in three weeks when she was feeling better and move toward placing baby boy with us through adoption!!! My jaw dropped. I'm literally still not believing that this really happened. If I hadn't been there myself, I would not have believed it. I'm still expecting someone to say... Gotcha, this was only a test to get your hopes up.
As she got up and walked out of court she stopped and waved at us and said 'thank you guys, see you later.' And we were still sitting there not sure if mom had sent her clone to court or what had happened exactly.
So going forward we have court three weeks from now for her to formally rescind her rights. After that, there is a two week appeals period that would allow her time to appeal the legalities or court process (not change her mind) and then we can finalize the adoption and welcome baby boy to the family. (Now we get to find our own attorney... There are so many of them involved in the court process!) And of course, we're so excited to be able to make him a permanent member, in fact, court could not have gone more smoothly for all intensive purposes.
That is why the mix of emotions I've been feeling would sound so confusing. I left court with a heavy, sad feeling in my heart for mom. I've been dreaming of the chance to make baby boy my son for real and yet seeing mom's face and placing myself in her shoes, my heart feels so heavy and broken for her. At the end of the day, this was a mommy who realized that day, she would not see her baby grow up or be apart of his daily life. She's a mom. I'm a mom. And more importantly, she's a daughter of our Heavenly Father who loves her beyond something I can understand and He knows her potential. As I locked eyes with her as she walked out, I felt an overwhelming feeling of the love He has for her and her unique divinity. I saw her as a sister and I could not help but feel a small taste of the pain that she must feel. I'm praying for her that she can hold it together for her children she still sees and that she can feel her Savior's love enough to be well for them. I appreciate her sacrifice and ability to see how much baby boy really will need throughout his life and her inability to provide it.
In short, I'm incredibly humbled.
I realized that I have just tried to love him as I have been loved in my life and give him all I could think to give him. I have been blessed with incredible examples of amazing parents and what love is, mom was not, and that l, believe, is what separated her and I in our ability to take care of him. (And Tanner too!) She was given a hard lot in life and it's not fair. That's why, although I don't plan to always be a foster parent, I will always be a foster advocate because every child deserves a fair shot. I can not help but think of where mom might be had she been given the chance to grow up in a safe and secure home. I'm grateful for the chance I have to provide that for baby boy. It's not final until it's final, something crazy could happen in the next few weeks, but most likely we'll be experiencing an adoption very soon and for that we're feeling incredibly blessed.