Together Forever

On Thrusday, July 23, 2015 we had the pleasure of taking Baby Zane to the Salt Lake Temple to be sealed to us for time and all eternity and it was a beautiful day.

We had been preparing to take baby Zane to the temple since April when his birth mom relinquished her rights- buying white clothing for all of the children, considering which temple to choose and what schedule would be best. We anxiously waited for his adoption to finalize on May 19th, 2015 in Judge Lindsley's courtroom. What an amazing day that was. We were able to sit in front of our family, the judge, the caseworkers and our children and promise to meet Zane's physical, emotional and financial needs. We promised before the court to be his parents to care for him and witness that we understood what that meant; to be his parents for a lifetime. We shared how he has impacted our lives and the love that our family has for him and how much his siblings love and have bonded with him. We signed a couple of papers and the judge gave her approval adding her signature to ours and we were officially and legally Zane Robert's parents. We took pictures, shared hugs and tears as we were joyfully, legally united with our new son.

Fast forward to this beautiful day in July, since adopting Zane, baby Drake had been born into our family and we were beginning to feel complete, except we knew our family needed one more step to secure our bond forever. We believe that families are meant to be forever and eternal and that we can be with those we love not only legally in this life as is united in marriage and in our legal adoption, but also in the life to come. We believe this can only be accomplished through the sealing power that only exists in the holy temples of Heavenly Father. When Tanner and I were married, we were also sealed together in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Every child who was born to us after that was born into the covenant of marriage we made that day and therefore sealed to us and each other. When a child is adopted like Zane was, we needed to take him to the temple with us to be sealed to Tanner and I and therefore sealed to our children and uniting our family forever. For us, this is a very sacred experience and one of the most precious events that can occur in our lives. As beautiful as Zane's adoption day was, this day meant he was truly our son forever, not even death could take him from us.

The morning of Zane's sealing day we prepared white clothing for all six family members and dressed in our Sunday best in preparation for entering the Lord's house. We loaded in the van and drove to Salt Lake to take pictures around the temple before entering. (With four small kids and a very sunny day, we didn't really get that 'perfect shot' but we were able to capture their little personalities which are far from meek, quiet and all smiles all the time!) Then we entered the temple with all of our children. They lead us down to a beautiful nursery they have prepared for children who get to enter the temple. There was a fun kitchen, baby dolls all lined up, a dollhouse, books and an assortment of all other types of toys and my kids thought they knew why we call the temples 'heaven on earth'! The loving sisters of the temples took my children into their arms and made them feel loved and welcome. My dad was able to stay down in the nursery with them to help prepare the children for the ceremony. They each changed into all white clothing, Emerson in a beautiful white lace dress and the boys in a white shirt, white tie and white pants. They literally looked like tiny little angels.

Tanner and I were then lead to our dressing rooms where we also changed into white clothing and then were lead to the most sacred room of the temple; the celestial room. This is where we go to pray and feel closer to our Heavenly Father. It is a beautiful room, large with lovely furniture and chandeliers and much of it is white. We are reverent in this room and very little talking occurs; it is reserved as a place to pray and ponder. As we waited in this scared room, our close friends and family members were lead to the sealing room where the ceremony would take place. Once they were seated, we were also lead into the room and were greeted by their smiling faces. We then waited as our children were brought up from the nursery.

Tatem walked in first; he was literally glowing with a huge smile on his face and the white clothing brightening his countenance. He came and sat down in the chair next to Tanner and then in walked Emerson. The sisters had placed a beautiful white bow in her hair and she had her white dress on. She had been asking to wear that dress and go to the temple for weeks and now that she finally had it on, she was so pleased. She came and took a seat next to Tate. Then our babies were carried in one by one and they were so tiny and precious in their little suits. Zane was asleep and cuddled into his Grandpa Charlie.

Once we were all seated, the sealer invited Tanner and I to the center of the room. We knelt at the marriage alter and as we did so Emerson said: "mommy! You look so beautiful! You're just like a princess!" then my mom, also in white, came to the front as well holding Zane. We were there in a tiny circle and the sealer said a few short, beautiful sentences and we were then sealed for time and all eternity to our beautiful son. Many tears were shed as we knew that Zane was always meant to become a member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind and heart that he not only is my son now but always has been and now, thanks to the sealing powers held in the temple, will be our son throughout eternity.

When the ceremony was completed, the sealer invited us to stand with all four of our beautiful children and look into a large mirror placed in the sealing room opposite of another mirror. When you look into it, you can see your image repeated over and over; the image in unending. This represents how life, and now our family is unending. As I stood there holding two of my sons as Tanner held our other two children, I saw over and over the man that I love and the family that we have been blessed with. My heart filled with joy as I knew that we would be together forever as long as we live our lives in accordance with the gospel and strive to become perfected through Christ. I was filled with joy and the spirit affirmed to me that I truly was blessed. I hope to engrave that image of all of my children in the temple, as pure as they could possibly be, being completely free from sin and dressed in the purest white looking into eternity together. I am so thankful for the knowledge of the gospel that has allowed me to enjoy the blessings of becoming an eternal family. Not one child was missing- even if there are children to come, I could feel that our family was all together in the temple that day and it was amazing.

After we looked into the mirrors, we were able to hug and thank all of our guests before returning to our dressings rooms to change back into our street cloths. As we left the temple, full of joy, we headed for the church building to give Zane and Drake a name and a baby blessing.  We believe that children are incapable of sin, they are perfect and no matter what happens, are saved by our Heavenly Father. This is why we do not baptize babies; we believe baptism is to wash away sin and confirm individuals as members of the church. Since babies are free from sin, we believe they do not need to be cleansed from sin and also believe that they should have the opportunity to choose to become members of the church at baptism at age 8 and older. We do, however give babies baby blessings to establish their names in the records of the church and outline blessings for them that will occur throughout their lives.

When we arrived at the church, more family members and friends who were unable to be with us in the temple as well as those who were in attendance at the temple, joined with us as Tanner, our bishop, my uncles Bruce and Scott, my Father in law Rick and Dad Charlie and my brother Tyson held each baby who was dressed in white, in a circle one baby at a time. There, Tanner offered the words to bless them throughout their lives. He talked about their relationship that they would have with each other and that they would someday serve missions and be strong minded individuals. '

Zane's blessing was unique to what you normally hear in a baby blessing. We believe that children with disabilities such as down syndrome, are choice children of God and that they will never be capable of sin in their lives. They are absolutely sacred individuals. As Tanner offered the words of Zane's blessing, he thanked our Heavenly Father for allowing us the opportunity to take care of someone so blessed and sacred and talked about Zane's divine mission to spread love and the light of Christ to all those he will meet in his life. He also thanked our Heavenly Father for the trials and journey we were able to take in order to welcome Zane into our family. I feel so honored to be his mother and very humbled to be chosen for such a sacred responsibility. I hope I can provide Zane (and all of my children) with all they deserve and with all that Heavenly Father expects of me. I'm thankful to have Tanner, an amazing father and husband, by my side to help me live close to the spirit to be the mother my children need and the wife he deserves.

Following the blessings, we ate dinner with some of our dearest loved ones (many were unable to travel to be in attendance, they were greatly missed, but their love that they sent was felt in abundance.)

It was one of the most sacred and beautiful days I have ever experienced. I am so thankful to be able to have my children with me and my loving husband forever. I know that through Heavenly Father's sealing power that has been restored to this earth, I get to have an eternal family and for that I feel incredibly blessed. I know that life will continue to offer challenges and ups and downs, but I will always be able to rely on the power of a loving God who will carry me and who will ensure I have those I love with me regardless of life or death. I know I am A Child of God as are my family members and as His children, we will always be loved and protected by Him. What a blessing it is to know that.


To learn more about the temple and what we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints believe, visit: www.temples.lds.org

 

 

Click on the pictures to view them larger

 I wonder how many years it will be until we have all six of us looking at the camera at once!

Crazy kiddos!

 The temple doors were so big, they made Tatem nervous, he couldn't even fake a smile!

 Emerson with her Uncle Ty

 The babies in their blessing outfits:

 The Babies were holding hands. Of course, they stopped before I got a good picture but you can kind of see it in this picture of Zane.

 A super cute cake our friend in our parents' ward made! Thanks for sharing your talent Sister Bennett!

Another Adoption

That's right! I'm am now announcing ANOTHER adoption.... Of Little Big Man and Essa!! However, we are not their adoptive parents! I just got a phone call from them and they were adopted two weeks ago by the aunt and uncle that they have been living with! They were both so excited and eager to share the news of their new forever family and sound like they are doing fantastic which does my heart a whole lot of good! It renewed my faith in the system; these kids were taken from a very unstable, scary and unsafe situation and came to us where we were able to love and help them until their family was able to provide a long term, lifelong home and family for them! They talked to Tate and Emerson and talked about missing us and wanting to set up a time to get together which I think could be a lot of fun, I just would hope it wouldn't make my kiddos sad to say good bye again!

A year ago today we were preparing to send them on their way to live with their aunt, uncle, cousins and grandma. It was a very hard time around here, the kids' emotions were running high at the thought of moving and it was making it really hard to balance it all. They officially moved in the middle of July and we have only received two phone calls from them and both have been positive and have affirmed that they are most definitely in the right place!

Little did we know, three months later we would be picking up baby Zane from the NICU and finding out we were expecting baby Drake! You never know what the future holds but I'll tell you this, if I find myself with two more kids next June, someone better shake me silly because I'll clearly have lost my mind!

All in all I'm thankful for the time I was able to have them in my life, they taught me a lot about myself and about the world around me. They are great kids who deserve a fantastic future and I am thrilled to hear that they have people behind them who will help them achieve their goals! When you get a phone call to accept a foster placement, you have no way of knowing what will come along with that so it's an amazing thing to see a happy ending. We have been very lucky to have seen two happy endings with both of our foster care placements!

However, what we taught Little Big Man must not have sunk in, last summer he was grounded for hiding his homework from us and had to finish it before he could get ungrounded at our house... This summer he informed me that he's living out the same fate! Boys! (And I have three of them!!)

Our Road to (FINALLY!!!!) Adopting Baby Zane

I'm not sure where the story about our road to adoption really starts, it was built line upon line...it could be when I learned I was adopted by my amazing dad or it could go even further back to when he was adopted at three months old from Foster Care by his family...either way, adoption has been something that has been near and dear to my heart and part of my life since day one. When Tanner and I got married, I explained to him that I hoped to be able to adopt someday and he shared the desire. We decided that, assuming we would be able to, we would have our children and then look into the possibility of expanding our family through adoption. (Especially because we knew how expensive it can be and knowing it'd most likely take awhile until we were able to save up enough to participate in a traditional adoption.)

 

About six months after we got married, we learned that we were expecting our first son, Tatem. Being babies ourselves, we were nervously and anxiously awaiting his arrival into the world. Once he got here, we found ourselves in a whirlwind of parenting 101, never sure if we really were going to be able to handle this parenting thing. I remember wondering how anyone had more than one child to worry about! It was exhausting! Tate was a darling baby, he was also a handful and rarely content. He was like baptism by fire into the craziness that is parenting!

 

As we continued to navigate life as Tate's parents, we learned that he had his own learning challenges that he faced and we would have to face with him. He had a fairly significant speech delay and as we worked with him through those delays, we began to really experience what it was to fight for our children and to learn new ways of learning and growing along with him. (see Speech Therapy posts) When Tatem was 23 months old...to the day...Emerson was born. She was such a sweet little precious addition to our family. I learned really quickly that there really is a BIG difference between little boys and little girls from day one....especially the hold those little girls have on their daddies! I wish I would've realized that more when I was growing up, since I only have brothers it would've come in handy! But her tender nature was something our house was missing and she slid into that princess role with ease no doubt about it!

 

It was our desire to have our kids close together, about two years to be precise. (Me planning something?! Crazy I know!) So when Emerson was almost a year old, the thought of expanding our family was beginning to enter our minds but we were both afraid to bring it up to each other! We were pretending that time wasn't rolling around. However, I had decided to make it a matter of prayer; if I was able to pray about it and feel like it was right, then I would bring it up to Tanner. Knowing how important children are, I well assumed that I would be assured that having another baby was the best answer. (I started trying to wrap my mind around being pregnant again. I like the prize at the end but pregnancy has not proven to be the best 27 months of my life by any means!) As I pondered and prayed about having another baby, to my surprise, I experienced a lot of unrest about the idea. I kept feeling like it wasn't the right answer. So what was the right answer? I looked around me and began to see the signs. Foster care and adoption were all around me at that time. I couldn't believe this was possibly the time and season of our lives that we were supposed to explore this decision, but the more I thought and prayed about it, the more right it seemed. Then, I had to figure out a way to bring it up to Tanner. I was sure he would think I was nuts! After he returned home from a military drill weekend I decided to approach the topic. To my surprise, he had been praying about expanding our family too and had been lead to the same decision. In fact, that very weekend he had spoken at length with a fellow soldier who was a foster parent and Tanner felt like it was what we needed to do. A few days later, we were meeting with a foster care recruiter and taking classes a few weeks after that. We started the process in August, were fully licensed in December and received our first phone call concerning our first placement in February.

 

We felt so strongly that this nine year old boy and four year old girl were two kids we needed to accept into our home. At first, we believed that meant they were supposed to be our children forever through adoption. However, we quickly learned that their stay was meant to be short term, not only for our good and the good of our kids but also for them. Six months after they moved in, they were packing up to move in with their aunt, cousins, uncle and grandmother. (They are happy, healthy and thriving now and we couldn't be happier for them!) When they left, we took some time to recuperate and again had to revisit the idea of expanding our family. We decided that it was time to try to have a baby of our own while continuing to  be willing to accept foster care placements. Since we were willing to take older sibling groups we assumed that we would never be chosen as a placement for a baby and should consider having our own. In the past, we were able to get pregnant the first time we tried (kind of nuts I know!) But since that was our track record, it was what we thought would likely happen this time as well. One month turned into two, two into three and three into four. On the fourth month I took a test and it was again negative. We weren't too discouraged yet but we were starting to realized we weren't as in charge of things as we liked to think we were! The day after that fourth test, we got a phone call about a baby boy in the NICU in need of a foster family, because of his mother's background the state felt he would most likely need adopted. They told us he had not been named yet so we began calling him Zane, and he had double cataracts in his eyes and might come home on oxygen. Still, we felt up to the challenge and went to visit him in the NICU the minute we were given the OK. (Which was a week after the initial phone call, it was torture to wait so long to meet him!)

 

The day we finally met him, we walked into the NICU and found his tiny little frame all wrapped up and cuddled into his bed. He was a tiny five pounds but looked like a giant next to the micro-preemies he shared the room with. We cuddled him and spoiled him from that moment on and to our surprise, learned he would be released without oxygen the following day! The next afternoon, I prepared to pick him up. As I walked into the room, I was greeted by a different nurse than the one who I had met the day before. She said to me very matter of fact, as though it was a business transaction, 'I think he has down syndrome, we have been trying to determine it since he was born so I sent in the chromosome test today. You'll be getting a phone call in the next few days letting you know the results.' That was how I found out my baby might have down syndrome. The minutes she said it, I knew in my heart that the test would be positive and I realized that baby Zane would change my life in more ways than I had expected. A few weeks prior, we had considered calling or caseworker to let her know we would take children with down syndrome but hasn't yet gotten around to it. Had they tested baby Zane a week earlier and found the test to be positive we would not have been given then opportunity to take him because our file had not yet been changed. Another one of the miracles that lead to us finding each other. We brought him home and introduced him to the other kids, they LOVED him instantly and became very protective and caring toward him. To our shock, a couple days later we learned that we were also expecting our own baby, baby Drake!

 

The next few months proved be to be very difficult. Baby Zane had a minimum of two doctor's appointments in Salt Lake every week along with weekly visits with his birth mom, meetings with  the Division of Family Services (DCFS), two surgeries resulting in a stay in the PICU, and a week long hospital stay after which he was sent home on an NG feeding tube. I was not feeling well being in the first few weeks of pregnancy and it was starting to become all to overwhelming. I remember rocking him with his tube attached to the machine and just crying and crying. Not sure I would be able to endure and remain his mom. I started to feel like I needed to tell my caseworker that he needed to be moved to another family. So many people said to me 'he just needs to be with a cute young couple that can just focus on taking care of him.' and I agreed. I was feeling overwhelmed and I felt like it was never going to improve. We began to pray about the decision and I kept getting the answer to wait. Wait until the end of November. At the end of November I revisited it, although I felt so much more attached and the idea of saying good bye to him was hard to think about, I still wanted to know what was best for him. The answer I got was so clear I couldn't really deny it: 'You have the opportunity to love and parent one of my most pure spirits.' and I realized that I could not turn my back on him. So we kept pressing forward on the journey, not sure if adoption would really ever come but being willing to do what he needed us to for the time being.

 

Finally the day came that learned that we could adopt him and we couldn't imagine life without him and jumped at the chance to become his forever family. Now, on May 19th Baby Zane is legally and officially our baby and we are  THRILLED to be able to announce him and share our new addition with all of you!

 

Looking back, there are so many things that had to fall perfectly into place for us to have the chance to have this wonderful child in our lives. From our first placement leaving only weeks before our call about Zane, to baby Drake taking a couple extra months to make his arrival; literally a day earlier on a positive pregnancy test we would not have taken baby Zane and had Zane been born a month earlier, we would not have Baby Drake. This and SO many other things in between lead us to where we are today and for that, we could not be more thankful. (Oh and by the way, he is almost 25 months to the day younger than Emerson, guess that two years apart thing panned out a little!)

 

Growing up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was raised to know that Heavenly Father never gives us challenges in life that we cannot handle. What I don't think I realized until recently is how He guides us through those challenges. I truly believe now that He guides and prepares us by allowing us to experience different things that prepare us for the road ahead. Every experience can be looked at as a training experience that prepares us for our future, and He is there to comfort, guide and direct us through every step of the way. Never will He leave us to handle life on our own, although we might forget He is there. Ultimately, this life was designed to prepare us to be perfected in Him and live with Him and our families again. I've always known that, but in the process of building our family, I've been shown that in ways I could have never imagined. I'm thankful for this road I have traveled and knowing how blessed I've been, even through the hard times. I am thankful for the opportunity to face the paths ahead with a renewed knowledge of my Heavenly Father's love for me and His awareness of my needs and the needs of my family.

 

Today our family grew by one tiny member with a HUGE spirit. It is hard to be around him and not feel closer to our Heavenly Father. I feel so grateful and humbled that I was chosen to be his momma. I know that he has and will continue to teach me far more than I would ever imagine teaching him. He is a testament that Heavenly Father's plan for us far exceeds what we could ever plan for ourselves if we just allow Him to take the lead.

 

Welcome to the family baby Zane! We couldn't love you more!