Growing up!

Golly it's been a day or two since I've posted so I need to do some updating!

All my kiddos are growing up faster than I have time to watch them and its so sad! Drake is officially all chubby and handsome and everyone is about to have a birthday! Emerson will be three next week and Zane and Tate will be one and five next month! Where has the time gone?! The bigger Drake gets, the more obvious it is that Zaney is kind of frozen in time! He wears 6-9 month clothes and doesn't sit up very well on his own yet. He doesn't feed himself yet and still LOVES cuddles (that's convenient because Tanner and I love cuddles so we both have our own babies, it has helped us stop fighting over who gets a baby!) So as Zaney gets bigger but stays little, Drake is catching up to him and we're realizing we'll almost have twins very soon! Drake is only one size smaller than Zane and there are a few shirts they can already share! It's so cute and its so fun to watch them all grow! Tate keeps saying: "mommy! Drake growing bigger like Tate!" And I say "No!! He's my baby he needs to stay little!" To which Tate responds "please mom! Drake needs to grow bigger so I can play with him!" When I ask him if Zane us going to get bigger to he says no he's a baby! It's as though even Tate knows Zane is moving along at his own little rate and gets to stay tiny a little longer!

So while everyone around me is growing up, I'm still having to pinch myself to see if it's all real! I teach the 14-15 year olds at church and I feel like just yesterday I was their age so I talk to them like I'm only a year or two older but they're quick to remind me that to them, I am old!!! When did that happen?! I sometimes feel like I'm just playing house because I'm too young for all of this to really be reality! Then someone throws up on me or sprays down my entertainment center and couch with a water gun... Yes that happened and the water was retrieved from the toilet no less!... And suddenly I'm very much in the present and things are feeling very real!

I guess the moral of the story is, we're having such a blast around here (never are there days when I text Tanner and tell him if he's not home at a decent time one or two of us will have been shipped off to the funny farm) that time is flying by so if anyone knows how to slow things down and keep my babies little, please let me know! In less than a month I'll have two on preschool and its all down hill from there!!!

Pictures:
Zane's silly face
The cousins Drake and Zelda taking over grandma's couch
Tate at the aquarium; he tried so hard to get the bird to talk to him
Drake's cubby feet
Emerson getting away with murder at grandma's

Together Forever

On Thrusday, July 23, 2015 we had the pleasure of taking Baby Zane to the Salt Lake Temple to be sealed to us for time and all eternity and it was a beautiful day.

We had been preparing to take baby Zane to the temple since April when his birth mom relinquished her rights- buying white clothing for all of the children, considering which temple to choose and what schedule would be best. We anxiously waited for his adoption to finalize on May 19th, 2015 in Judge Lindsley's courtroom. What an amazing day that was. We were able to sit in front of our family, the judge, the caseworkers and our children and promise to meet Zane's physical, emotional and financial needs. We promised before the court to be his parents to care for him and witness that we understood what that meant; to be his parents for a lifetime. We shared how he has impacted our lives and the love that our family has for him and how much his siblings love and have bonded with him. We signed a couple of papers and the judge gave her approval adding her signature to ours and we were officially and legally Zane Robert's parents. We took pictures, shared hugs and tears as we were joyfully, legally united with our new son.

Fast forward to this beautiful day in July, since adopting Zane, baby Drake had been born into our family and we were beginning to feel complete, except we knew our family needed one more step to secure our bond forever. We believe that families are meant to be forever and eternal and that we can be with those we love not only legally in this life as is united in marriage and in our legal adoption, but also in the life to come. We believe this can only be accomplished through the sealing power that only exists in the holy temples of Heavenly Father. When Tanner and I were married, we were also sealed together in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. Every child who was born to us after that was born into the covenant of marriage we made that day and therefore sealed to us and each other. When a child is adopted like Zane was, we needed to take him to the temple with us to be sealed to Tanner and I and therefore sealed to our children and uniting our family forever. For us, this is a very sacred experience and one of the most precious events that can occur in our lives. As beautiful as Zane's adoption day was, this day meant he was truly our son forever, not even death could take him from us.

The morning of Zane's sealing day we prepared white clothing for all six family members and dressed in our Sunday best in preparation for entering the Lord's house. We loaded in the van and drove to Salt Lake to take pictures around the temple before entering. (With four small kids and a very sunny day, we didn't really get that 'perfect shot' but we were able to capture their little personalities which are far from meek, quiet and all smiles all the time!) Then we entered the temple with all of our children. They lead us down to a beautiful nursery they have prepared for children who get to enter the temple. There was a fun kitchen, baby dolls all lined up, a dollhouse, books and an assortment of all other types of toys and my kids thought they knew why we call the temples 'heaven on earth'! The loving sisters of the temples took my children into their arms and made them feel loved and welcome. My dad was able to stay down in the nursery with them to help prepare the children for the ceremony. They each changed into all white clothing, Emerson in a beautiful white lace dress and the boys in a white shirt, white tie and white pants. They literally looked like tiny little angels.

Tanner and I were then lead to our dressing rooms where we also changed into white clothing and then were lead to the most sacred room of the temple; the celestial room. This is where we go to pray and feel closer to our Heavenly Father. It is a beautiful room, large with lovely furniture and chandeliers and much of it is white. We are reverent in this room and very little talking occurs; it is reserved as a place to pray and ponder. As we waited in this scared room, our close friends and family members were lead to the sealing room where the ceremony would take place. Once they were seated, we were also lead into the room and were greeted by their smiling faces. We then waited as our children were brought up from the nursery.

Tatem walked in first; he was literally glowing with a huge smile on his face and the white clothing brightening his countenance. He came and sat down in the chair next to Tanner and then in walked Emerson. The sisters had placed a beautiful white bow in her hair and she had her white dress on. She had been asking to wear that dress and go to the temple for weeks and now that she finally had it on, she was so pleased. She came and took a seat next to Tate. Then our babies were carried in one by one and they were so tiny and precious in their little suits. Zane was asleep and cuddled into his Grandpa Charlie.

Once we were all seated, the sealer invited Tanner and I to the center of the room. We knelt at the marriage alter and as we did so Emerson said: "mommy! You look so beautiful! You're just like a princess!" then my mom, also in white, came to the front as well holding Zane. We were there in a tiny circle and the sealer said a few short, beautiful sentences and we were then sealed for time and all eternity to our beautiful son. Many tears were shed as we knew that Zane was always meant to become a member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind and heart that he not only is my son now but always has been and now, thanks to the sealing powers held in the temple, will be our son throughout eternity.

When the ceremony was completed, the sealer invited us to stand with all four of our beautiful children and look into a large mirror placed in the sealing room opposite of another mirror. When you look into it, you can see your image repeated over and over; the image in unending. This represents how life, and now our family is unending. As I stood there holding two of my sons as Tanner held our other two children, I saw over and over the man that I love and the family that we have been blessed with. My heart filled with joy as I knew that we would be together forever as long as we live our lives in accordance with the gospel and strive to become perfected through Christ. I was filled with joy and the spirit affirmed to me that I truly was blessed. I hope to engrave that image of all of my children in the temple, as pure as they could possibly be, being completely free from sin and dressed in the purest white looking into eternity together. I am so thankful for the knowledge of the gospel that has allowed me to enjoy the blessings of becoming an eternal family. Not one child was missing- even if there are children to come, I could feel that our family was all together in the temple that day and it was amazing.

After we looked into the mirrors, we were able to hug and thank all of our guests before returning to our dressings rooms to change back into our street cloths. As we left the temple, full of joy, we headed for the church building to give Zane and Drake a name and a baby blessing.  We believe that children are incapable of sin, they are perfect and no matter what happens, are saved by our Heavenly Father. This is why we do not baptize babies; we believe baptism is to wash away sin and confirm individuals as members of the church. Since babies are free from sin, we believe they do not need to be cleansed from sin and also believe that they should have the opportunity to choose to become members of the church at baptism at age 8 and older. We do, however give babies baby blessings to establish their names in the records of the church and outline blessings for them that will occur throughout their lives.

When we arrived at the church, more family members and friends who were unable to be with us in the temple as well as those who were in attendance at the temple, joined with us as Tanner, our bishop, my uncles Bruce and Scott, my Father in law Rick and Dad Charlie and my brother Tyson held each baby who was dressed in white, in a circle one baby at a time. There, Tanner offered the words to bless them throughout their lives. He talked about their relationship that they would have with each other and that they would someday serve missions and be strong minded individuals. '

Zane's blessing was unique to what you normally hear in a baby blessing. We believe that children with disabilities such as down syndrome, are choice children of God and that they will never be capable of sin in their lives. They are absolutely sacred individuals. As Tanner offered the words of Zane's blessing, he thanked our Heavenly Father for allowing us the opportunity to take care of someone so blessed and sacred and talked about Zane's divine mission to spread love and the light of Christ to all those he will meet in his life. He also thanked our Heavenly Father for the trials and journey we were able to take in order to welcome Zane into our family. I feel so honored to be his mother and very humbled to be chosen for such a sacred responsibility. I hope I can provide Zane (and all of my children) with all they deserve and with all that Heavenly Father expects of me. I'm thankful to have Tanner, an amazing father and husband, by my side to help me live close to the spirit to be the mother my children need and the wife he deserves.

Following the blessings, we ate dinner with some of our dearest loved ones (many were unable to travel to be in attendance, they were greatly missed, but their love that they sent was felt in abundance.)

It was one of the most sacred and beautiful days I have ever experienced. I am so thankful to be able to have my children with me and my loving husband forever. I know that through Heavenly Father's sealing power that has been restored to this earth, I get to have an eternal family and for that I feel incredibly blessed. I know that life will continue to offer challenges and ups and downs, but I will always be able to rely on the power of a loving God who will carry me and who will ensure I have those I love with me regardless of life or death. I know I am A Child of God as are my family members and as His children, we will always be loved and protected by Him. What a blessing it is to know that.


To learn more about the temple and what we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints believe, visit: www.temples.lds.org

 

 

Click on the pictures to view them larger

 I wonder how many years it will be until we have all six of us looking at the camera at once!

Crazy kiddos!

 The temple doors were so big, they made Tatem nervous, he couldn't even fake a smile!

 Emerson with her Uncle Ty

 The babies in their blessing outfits:

 The Babies were holding hands. Of course, they stopped before I got a good picture but you can kind of see it in this picture of Zane.

 A super cute cake our friend in our parents' ward made! Thanks for sharing your talent Sister Bennett!

Join "Zane's Zone" Utah Down Syndrome Buddy Walk

On August 29th at Veterans Memorial Park in  West Jordan, we will be participating in the state wide buddy walk to support Down Syndrome and we're trying to build our team! We would LOVE to have you join us, the more the merrier!!!! Spread the word! Here are the details....

From now until August 5th it is early registration which means you'll be guaranteed a shirt in your size (you get a shirt no matter when you register but not a size guarantee) and a reduced price ($10 for 18yrs+, $7 for 2-18yrs goes up to $15 and $10) for the Buddy Walk! There is also a 5k at a different cost, you can do one or the other or both! (With so many smalls, we're just doing the walk!)

Here are the details of the day:

8:30 am, 5K Race (Registration between 7:30-8:15 a.m. for runners.)

9:00 - 10:30 am, Team captain check-in and t-shirt pick-up

9:00 - 10:30 am, Same day-registration (limited t-shirts available for same day registrations)

9:00 am - Noon (except during Walk), 'Shoot for the Stars' paper rocket launching, carnival, games, photo ops, exhibit booths and MUCH more!

9:00 am - Noon, STRIDER Balance Bike Adventure Zone -- and register for a bike giveaway.

10:30 am, Kick off and Buddy Walk in the park

11:30 am, Lunch served

Noon, End of the Walk (please help pick up the park before you leave)

Our team goal is $500!!! So please consider joining us at the walk or donating to the cause if you cannot come! Here is the link to our team look for this cute picture of Zaney and join "Zane's Zone"! If you have questions or issues email me tayshay91@hotmail.com and I'll do what I can to help! We're super excited to participate and hope you can join us!

Click on:
http://udsf.donordrive.com/team/5126

 Look for this picture:

Our Road to (FINALLY!!!!) Adopting Baby Zane

I'm not sure where the story about our road to adoption really starts, it was built line upon line...it could be when I learned I was adopted by my amazing dad or it could go even further back to when he was adopted at three months old from Foster Care by his family...either way, adoption has been something that has been near and dear to my heart and part of my life since day one. When Tanner and I got married, I explained to him that I hoped to be able to adopt someday and he shared the desire. We decided that, assuming we would be able to, we would have our children and then look into the possibility of expanding our family through adoption. (Especially because we knew how expensive it can be and knowing it'd most likely take awhile until we were able to save up enough to participate in a traditional adoption.)

 

About six months after we got married, we learned that we were expecting our first son, Tatem. Being babies ourselves, we were nervously and anxiously awaiting his arrival into the world. Once he got here, we found ourselves in a whirlwind of parenting 101, never sure if we really were going to be able to handle this parenting thing. I remember wondering how anyone had more than one child to worry about! It was exhausting! Tate was a darling baby, he was also a handful and rarely content. He was like baptism by fire into the craziness that is parenting!

 

As we continued to navigate life as Tate's parents, we learned that he had his own learning challenges that he faced and we would have to face with him. He had a fairly significant speech delay and as we worked with him through those delays, we began to really experience what it was to fight for our children and to learn new ways of learning and growing along with him. (see Speech Therapy posts) When Tatem was 23 months old...to the day...Emerson was born. She was such a sweet little precious addition to our family. I learned really quickly that there really is a BIG difference between little boys and little girls from day one....especially the hold those little girls have on their daddies! I wish I would've realized that more when I was growing up, since I only have brothers it would've come in handy! But her tender nature was something our house was missing and she slid into that princess role with ease no doubt about it!

 

It was our desire to have our kids close together, about two years to be precise. (Me planning something?! Crazy I know!) So when Emerson was almost a year old, the thought of expanding our family was beginning to enter our minds but we were both afraid to bring it up to each other! We were pretending that time wasn't rolling around. However, I had decided to make it a matter of prayer; if I was able to pray about it and feel like it was right, then I would bring it up to Tanner. Knowing how important children are, I well assumed that I would be assured that having another baby was the best answer. (I started trying to wrap my mind around being pregnant again. I like the prize at the end but pregnancy has not proven to be the best 27 months of my life by any means!) As I pondered and prayed about having another baby, to my surprise, I experienced a lot of unrest about the idea. I kept feeling like it wasn't the right answer. So what was the right answer? I looked around me and began to see the signs. Foster care and adoption were all around me at that time. I couldn't believe this was possibly the time and season of our lives that we were supposed to explore this decision, but the more I thought and prayed about it, the more right it seemed. Then, I had to figure out a way to bring it up to Tanner. I was sure he would think I was nuts! After he returned home from a military drill weekend I decided to approach the topic. To my surprise, he had been praying about expanding our family too and had been lead to the same decision. In fact, that very weekend he had spoken at length with a fellow soldier who was a foster parent and Tanner felt like it was what we needed to do. A few days later, we were meeting with a foster care recruiter and taking classes a few weeks after that. We started the process in August, were fully licensed in December and received our first phone call concerning our first placement in February.

 

We felt so strongly that this nine year old boy and four year old girl were two kids we needed to accept into our home. At first, we believed that meant they were supposed to be our children forever through adoption. However, we quickly learned that their stay was meant to be short term, not only for our good and the good of our kids but also for them. Six months after they moved in, they were packing up to move in with their aunt, cousins, uncle and grandmother. (They are happy, healthy and thriving now and we couldn't be happier for them!) When they left, we took some time to recuperate and again had to revisit the idea of expanding our family. We decided that it was time to try to have a baby of our own while continuing to  be willing to accept foster care placements. Since we were willing to take older sibling groups we assumed that we would never be chosen as a placement for a baby and should consider having our own. In the past, we were able to get pregnant the first time we tried (kind of nuts I know!) But since that was our track record, it was what we thought would likely happen this time as well. One month turned into two, two into three and three into four. On the fourth month I took a test and it was again negative. We weren't too discouraged yet but we were starting to realized we weren't as in charge of things as we liked to think we were! The day after that fourth test, we got a phone call about a baby boy in the NICU in need of a foster family, because of his mother's background the state felt he would most likely need adopted. They told us he had not been named yet so we began calling him Zane, and he had double cataracts in his eyes and might come home on oxygen. Still, we felt up to the challenge and went to visit him in the NICU the minute we were given the OK. (Which was a week after the initial phone call, it was torture to wait so long to meet him!)

 

The day we finally met him, we walked into the NICU and found his tiny little frame all wrapped up and cuddled into his bed. He was a tiny five pounds but looked like a giant next to the micro-preemies he shared the room with. We cuddled him and spoiled him from that moment on and to our surprise, learned he would be released without oxygen the following day! The next afternoon, I prepared to pick him up. As I walked into the room, I was greeted by a different nurse than the one who I had met the day before. She said to me very matter of fact, as though it was a business transaction, 'I think he has down syndrome, we have been trying to determine it since he was born so I sent in the chromosome test today. You'll be getting a phone call in the next few days letting you know the results.' That was how I found out my baby might have down syndrome. The minutes she said it, I knew in my heart that the test would be positive and I realized that baby Zane would change my life in more ways than I had expected. A few weeks prior, we had considered calling or caseworker to let her know we would take children with down syndrome but hasn't yet gotten around to it. Had they tested baby Zane a week earlier and found the test to be positive we would not have been given then opportunity to take him because our file had not yet been changed. Another one of the miracles that lead to us finding each other. We brought him home and introduced him to the other kids, they LOVED him instantly and became very protective and caring toward him. To our shock, a couple days later we learned that we were also expecting our own baby, baby Drake!

 

The next few months proved be to be very difficult. Baby Zane had a minimum of two doctor's appointments in Salt Lake every week along with weekly visits with his birth mom, meetings with  the Division of Family Services (DCFS), two surgeries resulting in a stay in the PICU, and a week long hospital stay after which he was sent home on an NG feeding tube. I was not feeling well being in the first few weeks of pregnancy and it was starting to become all to overwhelming. I remember rocking him with his tube attached to the machine and just crying and crying. Not sure I would be able to endure and remain his mom. I started to feel like I needed to tell my caseworker that he needed to be moved to another family. So many people said to me 'he just needs to be with a cute young couple that can just focus on taking care of him.' and I agreed. I was feeling overwhelmed and I felt like it was never going to improve. We began to pray about the decision and I kept getting the answer to wait. Wait until the end of November. At the end of November I revisited it, although I felt so much more attached and the idea of saying good bye to him was hard to think about, I still wanted to know what was best for him. The answer I got was so clear I couldn't really deny it: 'You have the opportunity to love and parent one of my most pure spirits.' and I realized that I could not turn my back on him. So we kept pressing forward on the journey, not sure if adoption would really ever come but being willing to do what he needed us to for the time being.

 

Finally the day came that learned that we could adopt him and we couldn't imagine life without him and jumped at the chance to become his forever family. Now, on May 19th Baby Zane is legally and officially our baby and we are  THRILLED to be able to announce him and share our new addition with all of you!

 

Looking back, there are so many things that had to fall perfectly into place for us to have the chance to have this wonderful child in our lives. From our first placement leaving only weeks before our call about Zane, to baby Drake taking a couple extra months to make his arrival; literally a day earlier on a positive pregnancy test we would not have taken baby Zane and had Zane been born a month earlier, we would not have Baby Drake. This and SO many other things in between lead us to where we are today and for that, we could not be more thankful. (Oh and by the way, he is almost 25 months to the day younger than Emerson, guess that two years apart thing panned out a little!)

 

Growing up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I was raised to know that Heavenly Father never gives us challenges in life that we cannot handle. What I don't think I realized until recently is how He guides us through those challenges. I truly believe now that He guides and prepares us by allowing us to experience different things that prepare us for the road ahead. Every experience can be looked at as a training experience that prepares us for our future, and He is there to comfort, guide and direct us through every step of the way. Never will He leave us to handle life on our own, although we might forget He is there. Ultimately, this life was designed to prepare us to be perfected in Him and live with Him and our families again. I've always known that, but in the process of building our family, I've been shown that in ways I could have never imagined. I'm thankful for this road I have traveled and knowing how blessed I've been, even through the hard times. I am thankful for the opportunity to face the paths ahead with a renewed knowledge of my Heavenly Father's love for me and His awareness of my needs and the needs of my family.

 

Today our family grew by one tiny member with a HUGE spirit. It is hard to be around him and not feel closer to our Heavenly Father. I feel so grateful and humbled that I was chosen to be his momma. I know that he has and will continue to teach me far more than I would ever imagine teaching him. He is a testament that Heavenly Father's plan for us far exceeds what we could ever plan for ourselves if we just allow Him to take the lead.

 

Welcome to the family baby Zane! We couldn't love you more!

 



Preschool Graduation

I cannot figure out where all the time has gone! It feels like a couple weeks ago I was dropping Tate off at his first day of preschool! He was so cute and nervous but he did great! He went to school at Stansbury High School where the students get the opportunity to teach the little kids while earning early development training hours... They're called the Little Stallions and Tate has LOVED going to the same school as his uncle Hunter and aunt Rylee.

He has learned and grown SO much since his first day of school. Tate is a little behind other kids his age, he has a speech delay for which he's been attending therapy since he was 15 months old. He is making amazing strides with his speech but it is still a daily challenge for him to be able to speak his mind clearly in a way others can understand. (he speaks fluent Tatem-ese though! And luckily so does his sister Emerson) I was so worried about sending him to school because of this delay. I didn't want him to get made fun of, get overly frustrated and act out, be mean to other students or fail to listen to and follow directions the way other students could. I am happy to say that I have under estimated him. His teachers said he is very respectful and tries to follow all of the directions given.... For a four year old... In fact, at graduation today he saw us all sitting there and he waved and said hi to us like the other kiddos but he did not cry, run to us, or panic like he would've in the past. He instead sat there and participated and did all that was expected of him. It was an incredible thing for me to see.

I remember when he was about 15 months old, I knew that he was different. Having the educational background I do, I knew that he was no longer progressing the way most children his age do. He didn't speak, he had panic attacks in groups, he was often sad and frustrated and he exhibited a lot of signs of anxiety and had obsessive qualities as a response to that anxiety. It was so hard to watch him as a mom and I felt like there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. I just kept wondering what I did wrong as a mom; I didn't read to him enough, I didn't work on talking with him enough and I had failed him. I just kept thinking that there were so many moms out there that would and do do a better job than I was able to do and I felt so much guilt. I tried all I could, I followed the speech therapist's advice to the letter and we still had countless sleepless nights and many tears shed. It was my first experience as a parent of wanting so badly to take a trial away from my child but not being able to no matter how hard I tired.

We had so many experiences when people would stare at me and whisper and roll their eyes when I couldn't calm or comfort him. I could see the confusion and fear in his eyes at times, as his mom, I knew he just didn't know how to handle the situation he was in and would cry and act out in the process. I knew he just needed help but I didn't know what to do, I felt completely at a loss. I stopped taking him places, tried to avoid large gatherings and family things and always kept him within arm's length hoping I could stop situations before they arose but the awkward and trying times still came up. In fact, there were so many times I was short or rude to people because I was so overwhelmed and always on the defensive that even when things should've been easy I was already upset or grumpy about something else. I feel so bad about how I talked to and treated people sometimes and I'm trying so hard to correct that now. I let my anxiety of the situation run my life. I saw so many other kids his same age and I just wished I could somehow be enough like their parents so that Tate could develop and grow like those kids. I felt like he was sent to this world as a perfect little person and somehow I had failed him and caused him to go through so many hard things and he was only a baby. I didn't know where I had gone wrong, but I felt like there must have been something. I just cried and pleaded with my Heavenly Father every night I just wanted Tate to be able to speak clearly and navigate the world as other children could.

Finally I was able to receive some clarity, I don't know if it was a specific event or a series of experiences but one day I realized I was parenting him out of fear, guilt and how other people were viewing our situation. It became clear to me that as I perpetuated those feelings of anxiety and guilt I would only be able to act and think out of worry and guilt and those feelings would continue to grow in Tatem as well. I had to parent Tate for who he was and be able to see his own progress, his own growth and celebrate his own victories, no matter how small they may seem to others. The first time he was able to sit and put a six piece puzzle together at speech therapy before throwing a tantrum was a day I will never forget.

I feel incredibly thankful that I get to be Tate's mom. He still does things at his own pace, he still struggles with his speech and he still needs extra help for things other children can do easily, but my perspective has changed. I know that he'll keep working and growing and he will continue to progress, at his own pace. I've learned so much from Tate, but the top three are:

1) Never give up. He works SO hard just to talk. He knows he sounds different and he knows that people don't always understand him but he doesn't let it get him down; he keeps working. Last week at speech therapy his therapist asked him if he'd like to take a break from work to play with toys while she updated his file. He said 'no I do my words with Helene.' He wants to get better and he isn't giving up.

2) Be careful to avoid passing judgment. When I see parents with their children who are just trying and getting incredibly overwhelmed by their child's behavior, I try only to relate and smile instead of passing judgment. I know what it feels like to have people say 'what's wrong with him?' Or 'is he just dumb?' Or 'no kid of mine would be like that.' For the most part, every parent is trying their best (and I've seen some of the foster care world up close and I still believe that). I can either choose to be loving and helpful towards those parents or I can contribute to the burden they are already bogged down with. We both feel better with less judgment.

3) There's a plan and path for everyone, even our smalls. (I call my kids my smalls, not sure where it started) I did and do everything I can think to do and everything I feel lead to do through careful prayer and consideration and conversion with my husband for each of my kids. Regardless of that, every one of them is going to face hardships in their lives because that is part of our journey on this earth. Everything my children walk through, I will do my best to be beside them and help them but I know it is for their good. I know that even when I'm not there, Heavenly Father is and He will carry them through, He'll carry me as well. I feel blessed to know that my son is learning hard work and perseverance as a small boy, I know that this trial is preparing him for his future and the skills he's learning now will help shape his character.

Tatem brings a love and light to our family that I cannot put into words and I'm so thankful to see his progress and to have been present at his cute little graduation today! What a champ.

My experiences with Tate have helped to prepare me for the opportunity I have to finally be baby boy's mom. His adoption will be finalized in about a week and a half and he will legally be our son. I think back to the person I was four and a half years ago when Tate was born. If baby boy, with all of his challenges with down syndrome had come into my life at that time, I would've been overwhelmed and scared of every possibility. I don't think I would've been able to handle thinking about his future and worrying about his life and what was in store for him. I wouldn't have had the confidence to know that with my husband and family by my side, we'd be able to get him through all of the medical and developmental challenges. Watching Tate grow line upon line and learning to work with him and celebrate him has prepared me for the stares, comments and the undoubtedly seemingly insurmountable challenges that will come baby boy's way. Most importantly, I've leaned to take it day by day, I'm not picking what school vocational  he'll go to after high school right now, but instead trying to keep his contacts in and keep him from spitting up on everything!

I don't have all the answers and I know that baby boy will still teach me more and more everyday... Well all four of my smalls will... Emerson is literally walking into my room with armfuls of unrolled toilet paper RIGHT NOW.... But what I do know is we have been given challenges in our lives that have prepared us for the road ahead and we will be able to learn what we need to to progress.

Oh yeah, and there is a lot of joy and fun in the journey too.... "Sorry mom, I just needed a tissue really quick." (Apparently she needed a whole roll of tissue!)

More Doctors Appointments Anyone?

Baby Boy just turned SEVEN months old last week! We have no idea where the time has gone! He's getting so BIG and doing incredibly well so here's a medical update...

 

Since he came to our home when he was 2 weeks old exactly, we have taken him to 62 doctors appointments, therapy appointments, three surgeries,  and glasses and contacts fittings. If you're in need of a specialist for a tiny tot, I probably have seen a good one and could give you a little guidance! We are definitely feeling blessed to be so close to Primary Children's Medical Center both downtown in Riverton and at the Rehab Center in Taylorsville. Its HUGE to be able to take baby boy to professionals who are TOP in their fields; people travel from all over the nation to see some of the doctors that we see who are basically in our backyard.

 

As of right now, he's really doing so well. On April 2nd, he had surgery to have ear tubes placed. He has not had any ear infections which makes it seem weird that he needed tubes, but he had not passed any hearing tests in his lifetime and some of that was being attributed to fluid in his ears that could be remedied with ear tubes. He also underwent a ABR hearing test which measures how your brain picks up and receives auditory messages at different wave lengths and volumes and was much more comprehensive than the hearing tests he had been failing. To our delight, he passed the ABR with flying colors!! We were very concerned that he might have lifelong hearing loss as many cuties with Down Syndrome do, but turns out, he's just been ignoring us!

 (I can't say I blame him. You know what they say, two is company, three is a crowd and our family is a circus!) So we're just recovering from tubes surgery (one of his ears is super yucky infected, it looks like a runny nose coming out of his ear, but its on the mend) and rejoicing in his hearing ability.

A few days after surgery, we got a call that his contacts were ready to be picked up. He got glasses when he was about 3 months old after having cataract removal surgery.

 (He was born with gestational cataracts, something I had never heard before but a child is at risk for it if: there is a family history of it, the mother uses cocaine during pregnancy (check) and if the child has down syndrome (check). I guess it would've been more surprising if he had been cataract free.)

The glasses got here months after he was sized for them and then had to be fitted in office which took over a month. By the time he received his glasses, he was only able to wear them for about two weeks before they caused a lot of pain to his head and eyes from being too small. So, basically baby boy has been nearly blind his entire life, getting contacts was something we were definitely looking forward to. When the big day came, Tanner and I took the gang to go pick them up, they wanted both of us to be there to learn how to care for and use the contacts. They are very similar to traditional hard contacts so they aren't exactly user friendly. We practiced taking them in and out of his eyes a few times and by the end we were sweaty (all three of us), crying (all three of us! jk!) and needing a diaper change (only one of us thank goodness! Luckily we haven't lost it that bad yet!) But we felt like we understood how to take care of them and that he would be good to go going forward.....

 

Let's see... The first morning I put them in by myself, he freaked out, rolled away from me, yelled at me, hit my hands away (I don't like this side of him! Where's my sweet baby boy?!) and after what felt like a lifetime, finally got the darn things in there. (The SECOND I'm done he is totally fine and back to normal, he just hates his face being touched, washing his face is equally heinous) Then I brought him to my room to feed him and left him laying on a blanket for two minutes while I went to help Emerson with something and when I came back, one of the contacts were missing!! I tore the house apart on hands and knees and quarantined the other kids to one corner where we hadn't been. I looked in his eye to see if it had moved, didn't find it, and looked through his clothes and even in his diaper (Emerson lost an earring in there once so it didn't seem to far fetched) Still nothing. After lots of prayers, and wracking my brain, I decided to check his eye again and it was tucked up super high on his eye ball. I gently moved it down to is pupil like they had taught us and was glad the drama was over....until it was time to take them out and the craziness began again. He really acts like you're committing a hate crime against him if you look like you might touch his eye now. Needless to say, I save my showers for after his contacts are in/out because it's a workout! Lucky for us, once they're in or out, he is very happy and loves to take in all of the scenery. It's so wonderful to watch him follow things and see his eyes focus better. He use to have his eyes twitch and search for things at times like many people with significant vision loss and he's already improving after only a couple of days. Hopefully when he is older he will be able to have lens replacement surgery and we could put all of these glasses and contacts behind us! We're thankful for what we have for now....and even happier that he's allowed to wear them during his naptime! Can you imagine?!

 

Therapy:

Baby Boy is no stranger to therapy for a seven month old... he has been in feeding, physical and vision (PIP) therapy twice monthly since he was about 6 weeks old.

(This is not uncommon for children with Down Syndrome) 

Feeding therapy went super well, especially when you consider that he was on an NG feeding tube for the full months of November and December. Apparently, it is almost unheard of that an infant on a feeding tube will end up drinking bottles and eating as early as Baby Boy has. In fact, he started eating solid food at 4 1/2 months which is much younger than most infants' parents choose to start solids. Baby Boy is still on formula that has to be thickened so that he swallows it correctly, but other than that, feeding is pretty average.

...except that super sized tongue of his..... 

Feeding baby boy is like a war zone. I have to lay out blankets around him and wear clothes I don't mind having splattered on and get in a zen mode before feeding him. He is HANDS DOWN the hardest baby I have ever fed in my natural life. He has a tongue the length of a giraffe's and you NEVER see it, except for when he's trying to eat! Then all of the sudden, he's poking it out everywhere, licking everything and spitting like he's in a contest against a camel. By some miracle, we end up getting him to swallow everything, but it isn't without a lot of sweat and tears. Tanner and I often play rock, paper, scissors to determine who gets to enjoy the experience that day. (I won't tell you if winner or looser 'gets' to feed him to protect his feelings someday...and to keep up appearances as a parent! Ha!) Basically, he's seriously a joy to take care of, he's full of cuteness, joy and life but if I never had to feed the little fella sweet potatoes again, I think I'd pull through. A feeding (and vacuuming while we're at it) nanny would be AWESOME! But every time he eats, he gets better and I don't think it'll be long until he's not much different from any other baby. We're training that little tongue and are determined to win the war on lizard tongues everywhere. He's at least doing well enough that he no longer goes to feeding therapy...for now...

 

Physical Therapy is by far where baby boy shines! He is ahead of some typically developing babies his age and that is astounding! He can jump, roll, scoot and is working on sitting, standing and crawling. It is so much fun, like with any kiddo kid, to watch him pick new things up every week. I think that now his vision is improved, he will continue to improve because he will now be able to see the toys we put out for him and have something to try to reach for. Most kiddos with Down Syndrome are considered 'floppy' when you talk about their muscle tone, both inside (which is why he had to have surgery on his trachea) and outside (which is why many of them struggle with physical development.) This is why his progress has been so huge and why ever professional who sees him is thrilled and a little shocked to hear how well he is doing and how strong he is! He barely needs assistance to stand! It is fantastic! It hasn't come without hard work, but every minute of therapy and all the times he yelled at us saying he was done with tummy time has been totally worth it! Now he LOVES tummy time and it's almost impossible to keep him on his back!

 (Especially at contact lens times)

 

Vision Therapy has mostly been trying to teach him to engage in reading books, picking up items then bringing them to midline (both hands together at the middle of the chest) and then up to his mouth. He has been making progress every time he sees the therapist, but hasn't achieved all of those goals yet. Now with the contacts, it appears it won't be long until he could be done with vision therapy as his eyes take over and they naturally start doing their job.

 

All in all, he's doing fantastic in every way! When I look back on the road that got us here, it was very difficult at times and there were lots of days I questioned whether or not we were going to survive. I don't doubt that as life progresses, those days will appear again, but it is great to be on the mend and have things headed in the right direction. Regardless of the adventures coming our way in the world of Down Syndrome and the stuff that comes along with it, we will always be able to look back on this part of his life. We will be able to remember that all 'downs' in life come with a way to soon be on the up and up if you work hard enough and keep searching for the solution!

(Besides, there's nothing sweeter and cuter than a T21 (Down Syndrome) smile...and they always know the best time to whip one out!)

 

Thanks baby boy for teaching me how to be a better momma...and just how menacing pureed sweet potatoes can be!

Doctors, Surgery and Visits!

Excuse me for being a bit delinquent, we've been just a little busy, let's see ifi can remember it all...

1.well child check with pediatrician
2. Eye appointment
3. Urine analysis
4. Eye ultrasound
5. Echo on his heart
6.  Trip to insta care
7. Eye surgery with questionable (at best) overnight accommodations
8. Another eye appointment
9. TWO visits with mom
10. TWO caseworker visits

Coming up:
1. Another pediatric appointment, now he has terrible breathing concerns
2. Surgery on the second eye
3.LOTS of unknowns
4. Glasses fitting
5. Another eye appointment to check the glasses

Keep in mind, he's a month old we've only had him two weeks and the shortest appointment from home to back home was 2 hours! Needless to say, we've skipped court twice in all that mess. .  .

So yes, baby boy is cute, amazing and the best little down syndrome baby on planet earth, let's be clear, but he's a bit sicky. He's so easy mannered and we'll behaved, they pick and probe him and he doesn't flinch! But he has a bit of a long road ahead between doctors and therapy and DCFS.

We love him and feel honored to have been chosen to take care of him but our hearts are aching for him. His birth mommy loves him too, but after spending four hours with her during surgery, she's struggling. She's working so hard to get him back, but after hearing her story I'm worried she might be facing a temporary fix to a long term problem. This is making me unbelievably worried for baby boy. I'm worried sick that she'll be able to do just enough to get him back and then be unable to meet his medical needs in the long term. And my BIGGEST fear is that she'll get him, fail to keep up with his needs and he'll be back in the system, a lot more work and far less likely to be adopted or taken in. (I'm not fostering much longer I don't think, it's really hard)

No mommy wants to believe her baby is sick, but this mommy is in denial. She doesn't think down syndrome will effect his long term life and thinks he'll be good as new after a couple surgeries.

I don't know what our rights are or if we have any. They have given me the job to protect him but give me limited access to decision making. Taking care of a child, especially this one, requires more than love, showing up to some visits and taking some classes. I pray everyday that things will workout and baby boy will be protected, whether it's by me or not. But I'm still scared.