Missing Mom

There is nothing easy about this foster care thing on the poor kiddos involved. No matter what, there are going to be sad days....

Yesterday morning was one of those days in our house. Little Big Man woke up and came down into my room, crawled into Tanner's side of the bed, buried his head in the pillow and just started sobbing. I asked him what was going on and he said he just didn't feel well. I asked if he was sick and he said no, he was sad. He had had a dream about his mom and missed her dearly.  He didn't want to talk to me about it, he wanted to talk to dad. (I think he was worried he'd hurry my feelings, plus they have a special bond) Luckily he had just left so I called him and he turned right around. They talked alone for about a half hour (it was very early in the morning) and then Tanner came down to talk to me. Little Big Man had told him he knew his mom had made bad choices and that was why she was in jail (he hasn't talked about anything yet so we didn't know what he knew and what he didn't, we were waiting until he was ready.) He was worried he'd never see her again and his precious heart was broken.

Tanner listened and cuddled him and then he explained that we don't know what all of the judges and lawyers would decide, it wasn't something any of us could control but what we did know was that we would love him and take care of him for as long as he needs us, whether that was until his mom was back on her feet or if it was longer than that. Either way, he was going to be loved, safe, and taken care of.

When Little Big Man came down stairs, Tanner offered to give him a blessing. The spirit was amazing, all three of us had tears in our eyes. He promised him that someday he'd see his mom again, although we didn't know when that would be. He also told him how special and loved he is by so many people and that Christ knows his pains and sorrows and could take that pain from him. It was a very beautiful blessing. After he was done, Little Big Man felt so much better. He jumped down and ran to get ready for school.

Before the blessing I felt awful, I was so sad that I had no idea what it would be like to go through what he has gone through, I couldn't relate to him and I felt lost on how to even begin to comfort him. I felt so inadequate and sick that there was nothing I could really do. That blessing tenderly reminded me that there is one who has been through it all, He knows each of us by name. Sometimes we have to go through terrible, yucky stuff, but He will always be there to see us through it. I don't have to know what it's like to be Little Big Man, Christ already does and He'll take care of him... And He'll teach me how to take care of him too.

I use to think anything other than adoption would be the worse case scenario, and I still know that for me, it would be completely heartbreaking. But, what I do know is that you don't not get kids as smart, loving, and incredible as these two kids are without a mom who loved them, cared for them and who honestly tired her best. Obviously, she didn't have it all right, but she sure didn't have it all wrong. It gives me a tiny bit of comfort that if she is able to get help and make some major changes, they could end up in a good situation with her. We are praying for our birth mom.

We would love to have these kids forever, but it's not about us, it's about what is best for them. I know that as we rely on Heavenly Father, and follow  His guidance, He will take care of these kids. After all, they are His children.

First Day of Church

Let me start off by saying, sorry about all of the typos in the first post! I was trying to post it from my phone but all four children LOVE playing on my phone, so I was trying to do it quickly and they were driving me to crazy-town! I think I pretty much fixed it though, now it might actually make sense!

 

Church was great. It was not only the kids' first day of our ward (Little Big Man said a lot of years ago he had a grandma take him, he knows a few primary songs and remembered what we do at church) but it was also Emerson's first day of nursery and my first day teaching Sunday School. Needless to say it was a little nuts. The key to a successful sacrament meeting is a properly packed diaper bag... I'm not sure mine was packed correctly! I made a rookie mistake of bringing different types of fruit snacks (ran out of the first box) and only one box of crayons. But, in spite of it all, we made it! In fact, they all did really well. Primary was also great! Emerson walked straight into nursery and didn't even look back. The only time she cried is when she had to leave which was pretty hilarious! Tate on the other hand has been going to sunbeams for weeks but when he couldn't go to class with his new sister Essa, we couldn't get him to go to primary anymore! So surprisingly enough, he was the hard one! My Sunday School class wasn't exactly roses either. I have the 12 and 13 year olds and there was a stake visitor because it's ward conference next week so they came to preview our class. What a week for that! As you can probably imagine, I haven't exactly prepared the way I would've liked to! So he was gentle with his 'critique' but there is still a lot of work to do to improve! (Do you have any teaching suggestions?! It was tough to engage the kids, they're supposed to kind of 'teach themselves' but that's easier said than done if you have a group of kids  who won't talk)

All in all we survived!

 

Anyway...

I think I'm learning more and more everyday with two more kids in my house...

First of all, I am learning that I am EXHAUSTED! How do you all do it?! Goodness, two kids was a total cake walk, I should have enjoyed it while it lasted! But I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

Second of all, I think we are definitely TOO HARD on ourselves when it comes to parenting. These kids have had some tough things in their life, but they are amazing kids in spite of it all. They love their birth mom, even though she couldn't give them everything they needed. And she was trying her very best because you don't get kids like this without a mom who was really trying to do her best for them. Sometimes we feel like kids need to be in every sport and to have every toy and that there is no way we are good enough, or that we are good parents. That just isn't the case. The truth is, most of us are great parents. Our kids just need us there loving them, and meeting their physical, spiritual and emotional needs. The rest falls into place.

 

Thank you all for your support! Tomorrow is Little Big Man's first day of school and he's really nervous that he won't make friends and that the other kids will make fun of him, remember him in your prayers for us! He's way too cool to be made fun of!

 

 

 

 

BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!!

So I really don't know where so start. As you know last August we started the process to do foster care adoption. We have done interviews, classes, home studies, house repairs and more all in hopes of receiving a placement. We have been scouring the internet looking for children who needed a home and never heard anything back....We started to feel like it would be a very long time, until Monday...

 

We were going about our normal day when we saw we had a missed call. Upon further investigation (lol) we found out that it was from a Utah caseworker who wanted to see if we would take two kids; an 8 year old boy and 4 year old girl. We were surprised and nervous all in one. We made the decision a matter of prayer, after all that is how we got into this deal in the first place right?! Our hearts were full and our eyes brimmed with tears when we decided that absolutely YES we would take them!

 

So the adventure began. They asked us to pick them up Tuesday at 11am after court when they would call us. We went straight out to buy the proper booster seats and get their beds completely ready. When Tuesday came we eagerly awaited the phone call to come, but it never came. The court hearing that had been scheduled to put the kids in our care was cancelled. So we kept waiting...Wednesday was the BIG DAY! We were told to pick them up at the office at 4:30 pm. We decided that since they were not legally free (able to be adopted right away) that we would approach the situation as an opportunity to love and serve these kids for how ever long they needed us...We thought this would help us keep from getting too attached. We got Tate and Emerson and walked into the front room. There they were. I wanted to grab them and never let them go. They were so sweet, so perfect, so precious. They were all of the sudden MINE and I didn't want to let them out of my sight. Never in my life have I experienced such instant love. Even when I had Tate and Emerson my love grew and grew as they grew inside me. And by the time they were born I loved them more than words. The love I have with these kiddos was that all in one instant. Incredible.

 

They were quiet at first but it didn't take long until they were talking our ears off! We took them to get dinner and then on the biggest shopping spree I've ever been on! They only had the clothes on their backs at the time. As they picked things out, their eyes lit up and their personalities blossomed. It was amazing to see it unfold. The whole drive home they kept asking where we lived. When we said in a house they couldn't believe we had an actual house and that we had stayed in one place for two years. When they came inside they were like kids on Christmas morning. They wanted to see everything. They had never seen a house like it. Little big man (using nick-names to protect identities) said "wow I've never seen a house like this! I love your house!" I said "this is your house too." Tears filled his tiny eyes and he said, REALLY?! They thanked us for their beds, they had never had their own. To think I was complaining about not having my basement done the day before. They teach me so much. We had family prayer, all six of us. We blessed each child by name. Little Big Man was crying and have us huge hugs and just kept saying thank you. They slept like little darling rocks.

 

Two days in, they call us mom and dad and we love them more than words! So much for taking it a day at a time. But they deserve our full love whether they are here for a day or forever. They think they will be legal risk additive placements which means they expect well be able to adopt them but we won't know for sure until the end of February.....actually probably a lot longer than that...court stuff takes forever. These precious kids have changed me forever.

 

Special quotes:

Little Big Man (he's tiny sane size as his sister)
"I want to be called "(his name) the Ricks"
 

Essa
"I've never had a momma that taught me how to wash my hair and body! I love you!"

 

I'm so blessed.