No No Wet!

Let me just tell you, I'm a firm believer in waiting to potty train when your child is ready, not when a book says, not when your friend's kids potty trained, not when your last kid potty trained. . . But it certainly isn't to do things on their terms if your as "bossy" as I am.  . .

Tate is going to be four in September and we've been dragging our feet with potty training. Santa brought all of the potty training gear we'd need and we tried it out during Christmas Vacation. He looked at us like we were lunatics. He couldn't figure out what we were asking him to do. After a day of no potty landing in the potty, we decided it must not be our time. So we took a break.

Two months after that, our fosters came and were here for five months. With them, came an appointment almost every day and a lot of craziness! So we decided it wouldn't be fair to him (or us) to add the extra weight of potty training. So we decided this week was the week, we'll give it a shot!

Monday was D day. I got his new Disney underwear out and we said goodbye to diapers and hello to the timer. We set it for every fifteen minutes and he learned really quickly that when it went off, he was supposed to go try. He still want really getting it until he wet about two drops in his underwear and freaked out! He kept saying 'I'm so sorry monsters Inc.! No No Wet!!' After that, he was pretty diligent in going when the alarm sounded which went from 15 to 20 to 30 to 45 minutes apart. He even went #2! (Sorry, too graphic?) That night I got a change of clothes and sheets ready and he went to bed in underwear. I fully expected an accident but he woke up dry! We've had a few near accidents, but he's always been able to stop himself and run to the bathroom. Nothing has been worse than an underwear change.

So now it's Wednesday and things are still going well. . . I'm afraid to post this because I don't want to jinx us! Here are the main factors that contributed to our success. . .

1. We waited for Tate! Were there some embarrassing diaper moments? Yes. Did people say "why isn't he potty trained?" Yes. But when we saw that he was not ready at Christmas, we accepted it and took a break we didn't force him and clean dirty underwear for months.

2. We waited until he could be the priority. We wanted to start last week but we had a lot going on so we waited until we could stay home a few days to focus. It's not fair to a kiddo to put extra pressure on them! Which brings me to the next point...

3. No potty training agenda. I hear often that people get pregnant and decide now the baby needs potty trained or they move or want to start preschool early etc. That is a lot of pressure for a toddler! And it makes mom less patient too! Do you think I wanted to pay for two kids in diapers, I'm the cheapest person you know so HECK NO! BUT I chose to have Emerson when Tate was only two, he didn't. I didn't think it was fair to punish or force him.

4. No pull ups. For Tate, he needed to jump full in and feel when he was wet. Pull ups were too close to diapers and too expensive for momma!

All in all, this is what worked for Tate, Emerson will probably be different. She's already wanting to use the potty and she isn't two yet! I'm not much of a parenting book reader, ironic,  but I truly believe in learning about children's minds and physical development and using that information to make informed decisions to parent every child in our home WHILE FOLLOWING THE GUIDANCE OF THE SPIRIT. :) Heavenly Father knows our kids the best, He created them, ask Him how to meet their needs. Every child we have is unique, they each need their own parenting style and Heavenly Father will guide us to what that need is every time!

Happy training!

Christmas in July

Well it's the hottest time of year so it makes prefect sense that our air conditioner is once again broken, good gracious thing after the other...

So, we're cooling down at "Grandma Charlie's" with some ac and celebrating some Christmas in July! We forgot to decorate our gingerbread men in December so why not do it now?!

Foster Care Changes Lives

Click on the link below:

America's Got Talent S09E01 Jaycob Curlee Awesome…: http://youtu.be/_lcCtbYBoc8

This is just one reason to give foster care a shot. Not every foster child will be an amazing musician, but EVERY foster child has felt like this kid and deserves someone to give them a chance.

Family Prayer

Five months ago, almost to the day, we brought home two kids who had gone through a lot and had experienced a gamut of emotions. The very first night we brought them home, we knelt in family prayer up in the boys' bedroom. We prayed for each child by name and asked for blessings to meet their specific needs. They were of course restless and didn't understand what we were doing but they were pleased to go along with it.

Since then, we have....

Prayed together before bed 153 times.

Gone to church 20 times

Made 10 loaves of bread and about 20 dozen cookies.

Did 240 loads of laundry

Watched 8 hours of LDS General Conference

Taken 330 pictures

Gone on 10 walks

Gone to 5 movies

Had 15 picnics

Given 450 baths

Read the same books 100's of times (yippie! If you'd like to know what Patrick keeps in his backpack, I'm the gal to ask)

Swam in the front yard 12 times, a real pool 2 times

Went to the zoo and aquarium 1 time

Went to the park 25 times

Went to time out countless times

Played 20 hours of Super Nintendo, Mario Brothers (curse you castle #3)

Drove 1500 miles added up

Went to 2 team meetings

Attended 1 court hearing (skipped 3)

Wrote 2 letters to mom in jail

9 family visits

Painted 20 fingernails 6 times

5 visits from caseworkers

Celebrated 7 birthdays and 3 holidays

Watched a billion youtube videos

Agonized over 40 pages of homework

Went to 22 playgroup meetings

Wrote 9 journal entries per kid

Offered 2 father's blessings

Had 2 going away parties, one with friends, one with family

Laughed everyday, cried every night, hugged more than ever and was humbled beyond words.

Last night, we gathered in a circle for prayer together for the last time as this group of six. This time, they all four knew how to pray and each of them begged to be the one to offer our final prayer together. This time, the children prayed for each person by name, thanked the Lord for their blessings, and asked for their needs. What a whirl wind the past five months have been...

I'll never be the same.

Today we took them to their new home with their wonderful family. Little Big Man sobbed as he said goodbye and Essa was eager to be with her cousins. Tate and Emerson cried as they gave them hugs goodbye and that was it. We drove away in a very quiet van.

We messed up a lot in this process, I rarely, if ever, had the right answers to the problem. I honestly, saw a side to myself at times that I wasn't proud of. But I really feel like this was an experience our family needed to grow and become better. After all, that's what life is about!

Going forward? We don't know. . . Right now I'm sitting in a quiet house for the first time in five months, so we'll figure that out tomorrow-ish!

. . .But you'll be the first to know. . .

Happy 4th of July!

I hope you all had a fantastic time celebrating our nation's freedom!! I felt overwhelmed with gratitude this year for all that we are blessed with here in this great country and state. It's sometimes so easy to get complacent and frustrated with your landscaper (long story), and overlook all that we're really blessed with and take for granted. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of being so blessed! There's no way I've earned it, but I sure am thankful!

This weekend for us had it's ups and downs to say the least. . .

It started with a week that put us through the ringer of one thing after the other just not going a as planned at all. Then Wednesday afternoon Tanner came home sick with food poisoning from a meatball sub he had at work. (He is now swearing off of beef, I'll let you know how long it lasts.) So, he was busy doing what ya do when you have food poisoning while I got the fosters ready to go on a weekend visit with the family members they'll be moving in with next week, as well as getting our stuff ready to go to Idaho Falls. We definitely needed to get out of town for awhile!

Friday morning, Tanner felt well enough to embark on the journey so we loaded up and headed north, dropping the kids off with the family along the way. By the time we got to Idaho,  Tanner was back to being under the weather but Tate and Emerson were ready to see the sights. So he stayed at his grandparents house while I went with my parents and sisters in laws to walk around the falls and check out all of the vendors with the kids. (I kept checking over my shoulder for a nine year old who had wandered off, it was nice to have kids who stayed close by!) That evening, we had a BBQ with the Ricks family and then walked over to the firework festivities that evening.

Tate and Emerson had a blast and weren't even scared or too tired even through it was like five hours after their bedtime! They were tiny troopers! When we got back to the house, Tate climbed in our van and said "ok get "little big man" and Essa!" Other than that, they didn't mention missing them hardly at all which is hopefully a good sign.

The next day, we packed up and headed home. Sunday we went to church and all of that good stuff and picked the kids up at 7:30 that night. They came out with brand new, name brand clothes and didn't want anything to do with us anymore. They told us about their 10pm bedtime and how they're too busy to go to church anymore. I must say I expected a wide variety of emotions in this process of transition but, I didn't expect to have my feelings hurt. I felt like our clothes weren't good enough, our house isn't good enough and we're not good enough. (let's be honest, it's an embarrassing way to feel, normal people would be only happy that they're happy) I begged in the meeting to let them just move in during the first overnight visit but no one agreed to it. Now this last week is extra. . . complicated. They don't want to be here anymore and have made it clear they won't miss us. I just want to rip the band aid off for us and Tate and Emerson instead of prolonging it and keeping kids who want to be else where here. There's nothing fun about the foster care process. I've never worked so hard and felt so unappreciated by so many different people at once EVER. (DCFS, their family, the kids, etc.)

So, let me give a little shout out to those of you who feel people just do foster care for the money. . .

(Tanner had a co worker say, "now that the kids are leaving, how do you plan to pay your mortgage?" So lucky you get to read my wrath)

First of all, I did the math we make about $0.25/hour with this gold mine so many apparently think we've hit, that's not taking out what portion we've spent on the kids themselves.

So, when you add up the sleepless nights, over 2000 miles put onto the car, the temper tantrums, the throwing, yelling, pants wetting, hair pulling, disrespecting, spitting, hitting, running away from home, etc. I really don't feel like I've struck it rich in the financial department.

So if ever the words "some people just do it for the money" have spilled out of your head,  please eat them. I'm not judging, I said it once I'm sure, just take this moment to be enlightened.

Tah, dah! I'm off my soap box. Thanks for putting up with it!!

Amazed

As our short five months with these kiddos comes to a close, I've been asking myself a lot of questions. . .

Did I love enough, do enough, teach them enough? Most importantly though, did I teach them how important they are to their Heavenly Father, that He loves them, that they're HIS children. As they go into the world and live with family members that don't practice any religion I wonder, have I really taught them to pray, to really reach out to Heavenly Father for love and support...

Last Sunday we were sitting in sacrament meeting and it was time for the sacrament hymn, which is always about the Savior's atonement, this week we sang "I Stand All Amazed" the chorus says
"Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me enough to die for me, oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me. " As we sang the chorus for the last time, like we have so many times before, Essa looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. I asked her what was wrong and she said in the softest most tender voice I've heard her use: "Jesus aren't dead. Are he?" I grabbed her precious frame into a big hug, dried her tears and whispered to her...

"No Essa! Jesus is not dead! He lives! He died for us and three days later he came back and He lived again and He lives now, forever. He is watching over you everyday. "

She smiled and her eyes, still full of tears lit up as she exclaimed: "I knew it! I just knew it! I knew Jesus was always with me, I could tell, I could feel it."

She has often stopped in her busy four- year- old schedule, to turn to me and say "Jesus is watching me right now."

So maybe I haven't taught them everything I wanted to, maybe I missed the mark A LOT! (actually not maybe, I have.) But Christ is making up the difference. I'm not sending them out alone with no guidance or direction. They're leaving with the light of Christ that each of us are born with because we are Heavenly Father's children, and they're leaving with the ability and more importantly, the desire to draw upon it.

As times get tough, they do and they will (this week has been horrendous here) I hope we can all have the faith and testimony of tiny Essa to KNOW that our Savior is there for us, to feel Him and to love Him like she does.

We went into foster care to help save someone else, but I know I have gained more than I've given. I've been far from prefect in this process, I've gotten frustrated, lost my temper and had to apologize A LOT, but I am thankful for the experience so far and I wouldn't change it for the world.

And I, like Essa, feel so thankful to say: "I knew it! I just knew it! I knew Jesus was always with me, I could tell, I could feel it."

Follow this link to listen to
"I Stand All Amazed"
https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/i-stand-all-amazed?lang=eng