Missing Mom

There is nothing easy about this foster care thing on the poor kiddos involved. No matter what, there are going to be sad days....

Yesterday morning was one of those days in our house. Little Big Man woke up and came down into my room, crawled into Tanner's side of the bed, buried his head in the pillow and just started sobbing. I asked him what was going on and he said he just didn't feel well. I asked if he was sick and he said no, he was sad. He had had a dream about his mom and missed her dearly.  He didn't want to talk to me about it, he wanted to talk to dad. (I think he was worried he'd hurry my feelings, plus they have a special bond) Luckily he had just left so I called him and he turned right around. They talked alone for about a half hour (it was very early in the morning) and then Tanner came down to talk to me. Little Big Man had told him he knew his mom had made bad choices and that was why she was in jail (he hasn't talked about anything yet so we didn't know what he knew and what he didn't, we were waiting until he was ready.) He was worried he'd never see her again and his precious heart was broken.

Tanner listened and cuddled him and then he explained that we don't know what all of the judges and lawyers would decide, it wasn't something any of us could control but what we did know was that we would love him and take care of him for as long as he needs us, whether that was until his mom was back on her feet or if it was longer than that. Either way, he was going to be loved, safe, and taken care of.

When Little Big Man came down stairs, Tanner offered to give him a blessing. The spirit was amazing, all three of us had tears in our eyes. He promised him that someday he'd see his mom again, although we didn't know when that would be. He also told him how special and loved he is by so many people and that Christ knows his pains and sorrows and could take that pain from him. It was a very beautiful blessing. After he was done, Little Big Man felt so much better. He jumped down and ran to get ready for school.

Before the blessing I felt awful, I was so sad that I had no idea what it would be like to go through what he has gone through, I couldn't relate to him and I felt lost on how to even begin to comfort him. I felt so inadequate and sick that there was nothing I could really do. That blessing tenderly reminded me that there is one who has been through it all, He knows each of us by name. Sometimes we have to go through terrible, yucky stuff, but He will always be there to see us through it. I don't have to know what it's like to be Little Big Man, Christ already does and He'll take care of him... And He'll teach me how to take care of him too.

I use to think anything other than adoption would be the worse case scenario, and I still know that for me, it would be completely heartbreaking. But, what I do know is that you don't not get kids as smart, loving, and incredible as these two kids are without a mom who loved them, cared for them and who honestly tired her best. Obviously, she didn't have it all right, but she sure didn't have it all wrong. It gives me a tiny bit of comfort that if she is able to get help and make some major changes, they could end up in a good situation with her. We are praying for our birth mom.

We would love to have these kids forever, but it's not about us, it's about what is best for them. I know that as we rely on Heavenly Father, and follow  His guidance, He will take care of these kids. After all, they are His children.