Amazed

As our short five months with these kiddos comes to a close, I've been asking myself a lot of questions. . .

Did I love enough, do enough, teach them enough? Most importantly though, did I teach them how important they are to their Heavenly Father, that He loves them, that they're HIS children. As they go into the world and live with family members that don't practice any religion I wonder, have I really taught them to pray, to really reach out to Heavenly Father for love and support...

Last Sunday we were sitting in sacrament meeting and it was time for the sacrament hymn, which is always about the Savior's atonement, this week we sang "I Stand All Amazed" the chorus says
"Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me enough to die for me, oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me. " As we sang the chorus for the last time, like we have so many times before, Essa looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. I asked her what was wrong and she said in the softest most tender voice I've heard her use: "Jesus aren't dead. Are he?" I grabbed her precious frame into a big hug, dried her tears and whispered to her...

"No Essa! Jesus is not dead! He lives! He died for us and three days later he came back and He lived again and He lives now, forever. He is watching over you everyday. "

She smiled and her eyes, still full of tears lit up as she exclaimed: "I knew it! I just knew it! I knew Jesus was always with me, I could tell, I could feel it."

She has often stopped in her busy four- year- old schedule, to turn to me and say "Jesus is watching me right now."

So maybe I haven't taught them everything I wanted to, maybe I missed the mark A LOT! (actually not maybe, I have.) But Christ is making up the difference. I'm not sending them out alone with no guidance or direction. They're leaving with the light of Christ that each of us are born with because we are Heavenly Father's children, and they're leaving with the ability and more importantly, the desire to draw upon it.

As times get tough, they do and they will (this week has been horrendous here) I hope we can all have the faith and testimony of tiny Essa to KNOW that our Savior is there for us, to feel Him and to love Him like she does.

We went into foster care to help save someone else, but I know I have gained more than I've given. I've been far from prefect in this process, I've gotten frustrated, lost my temper and had to apologize A LOT, but I am thankful for the experience so far and I wouldn't change it for the world.

And I, like Essa, feel so thankful to say: "I knew it! I just knew it! I knew Jesus was always with me, I could tell, I could feel it."

Follow this link to listen to
"I Stand All Amazed"
https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/i-stand-all-amazed?lang=eng