This week will mark the 5th week since our family size has doubled. We're definitely starting to get into a routine and I think we're starting to get the hang of things.
The first three weeks were pretty low key, but the last two weeks have become, well a little overwhelming. We have had an appointment for the kids everyday, in fact, two Mondays ago, three out of four kids had an appointmentt meetings with caseworkers, CASA (court appointed special advocates for the kids), visits with mom, Guardian Ad Liam (the 'attorney' assigned to the kids), doctors appointments, dentist appointments, (three in total, Little Big Man had three teeth rotting out of his head, and Essa has to go under IV sedation this Friday in addition to the multiple fillings she had last week) hair analysis appointments, mental health assessments, foster parent trainings, oh and a doctor appointment that we got to, spent an hour at and then they sent us home in the middle of because they determined they actually didn't take the kids' state health insurance! Yeah, I'm not kidding! So add an extra doctor appointment in there on top of all of it! I'm starting to feel like we might wear out our family who have been wonderful supporters and helpers with Tate and Emerson through all of this. So, I'd like to send a special thank you to them!
This week, the 'fun' continues with court (the judge wants the kids there, which I hear is kind of rare for how young our kiddos are) and then right after it we have to drive across town to take them to a visit with their mom, and potentially over to get their hair sample taken (this will determine if they were exposed to drug use).
I've come to decide that this would be only a THOUSAND times easier if there were about a third of the appointments and meetings! I know that all of these people are put in place to hopefully make sure that the kids' best interests are met. I mean they have a team of about ten people who are all working in their best interest. However, I feel like this can also be a little overwhelming, not just for me but also for the kids. They keep meeting new people who want to get to know them and spend twenty minutes with them and they are then expected to open up to them and to express all of their feelings and REMEMBER all of these people! (I can barely do that, I'm forgetting EVERYTHING, we showed up to the dentist an hour early and I didn't even realize it until my phone reminder went off an hour later) It feels like a bunch of people who just barely get to know them instead of one or two who know them really well. But, it is just another way 'the system' works. I should just be happy that there is a check and balance system and people are working to meet their needs; and ultimately it goes back to what I said a couple of posts ago, they are Heavenly Father's children and He is ultimately the one who will guide their path and protect them.
So, quickly I'll try to address the main questions we get asked...1. How long will they stay with you, and 2. How are you handling all of it?
First of all, I have no idea how long they are going to stay here. I really LOVE planning. There are a few factors that play into this. First of all, Mom's legal situation. Depending on how that pans out we might be able to adopt unless daily members come forward. There is one family member who had shown interest but he will be required to go through a lot of legalities (which is normal) before being considered. I hope it's figured out fast for their sake. I feel bad for them that they might patiently have to learn our rules and routine and then be uprooted again, especially if its many, many months from now. They've already been through so much and it really doesn't seem fair to make it harder on them.
So the answer to question #1: I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S KILLING ME!! If you know sooner than I do, let me know! Lol!
Second, how are we handling all of this.
This is HARD, there are times I feel like a fraud. People say, "oh you guys are awesome, I could never do that." But the truth is, there are days that I feel like I'm barely doing it. Not thriving, just surviving. I feel like we look like we're awesome or something, but we're actually just keeping our heads above water. It has been a rough transition to add a child five years older than the next oldest child. It has been hard to get use to working with the system. It has been hard to have so much unknown. It has been VERY hard to have the children go to visit their mom and receive all kinds of gifts from her and then come home and have the gifts become more important than other people and their feelings, and have the constant reminder that we're not really their parents. Which causes a little push back at times. It has been hard to have a nine year old who tries to co parent, and is louder than all the other kids put together (but that's beyond the point). It has been hard to adjust to family gatherings, bedtime, church, having a school aged child, etc. etc. etc.
But, to answer the question, we're doing OK. Its getting better, I'm learning patience in ways I never expected to. And Luckily, I have four of the cutest kids I've ever seen so that helps, all I have to do is look at their sweet brown (and little Emerson's blue) eyes and the hard stuff starts to feel worth it. But, we do appreciate all of the prayers on our behalf because if there is one thing I have learned above it all is that it will be impossible for use to do this alone.
Other than all of that, we're just trying to live normally and do normal things...
This past week, Little Big Man had a birthday, he turned nine! We kept his birthday low key, we just gave him his gift (a bike) and took him and the other kids to the park to have a picnic, ride the bike and fly kites (in theory). The kites didn't exactly cooperate. Then, yesterday the whole family came over for dinner, cake, and ice cream.
This is how most birthdays go down at our house, so we didn't want to set some fancy precedence when I have no intention of making birthdays more exciting than that! Ha Ha! Sorry, I'm very boring. It's probably best that everyone just learns that now and gets it out of the way!
Thanks for all of your support and help! I'll let you know how court on Wednesday morning goes!
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