First Visit With Mom

Discipline has been getting harder. We're new at this nine year olds thing. So, the puff jars are born. We have a big jar of colorful puff jars and each child has their own jar. When they obey or go out of their way to good or do something special, they get puffs. Puffs can also be taken away when they aren't behaving. When their jar is full, they get to choose a treasure out of the treasure box. (A bunch of dollar store like toys.) As they get use to it, I plan to have Little Big Man use it to buy time on the Nintendo or TV, the others are too young to understand that. Hopefully, we can kind of teach him budgeting and other awesome parenting 

stuff like that,  blah blah blah. 

So, it's been going well until Little Big Man's first puff removal. He darn near lost his mind and threw a three year olds fit! Crying, kicking, all that good stuff. Then he decided he found the prefect out, he just wasn't going to participate. Didn't see that one coming. But we had a heart to heart to him explaining how the behavior was disrespectful and puff jar is just part of family life around here...and let him preview the treasure box, talk about motivation, and we were back on track.

 

In other news, this past Wednesday was our first visit with their mom. Visits are currently scheduled for one hour a week at the DCFS office by the Fashion Place Mall (80 mile round trip from our house, to be exact) and are supervised by the children's caseworker. I take them in, drop them off and then pick them up an hour later, I don't have to stay for the entire hour of fun, however I'm already sick of what that portion of state street has to offer but that's a whole different story.

 

The first visit went relatively well. They were able to visit their mom, her sister and their baby cousin. It was the first time in over a month since they had seen her. She brought elaborate gifts, like sized Minney Mouse for Essa and a necklace and a Nintendo DS for Little Big Man. These 'guilt gifts' were nice and all, but it has caused the children to look forward to seeing their mom for the purpose of receiving another gift. I have asked the caseworker to consider monitoring the gifts a little more closely, I don't want them to begin to expect things like that.

 

The other hard part is that prior to the visits, the kids had begun to accept that their mom was in jail and that we were their parents (basically) and caregivers. Now, they have seen that she is released and don't understand why the cannot be with her all of the time, and I don't really know how to explain it to them without going beyond the scope of what they need to know. I let them know that she made choices that has made it unsafe for them to live with her right now, but they get to see and play with her at the special playroom every week. The other struggle is, their mom told them that in one year, they would be able to live with her again, that's a big promise to make because she still has to face a trial to determine her own fate. I think it has made it more difficult to settle in for Little Big Man now that he plans to leave.

 

Needless to say, their little brains are confused and their hearts are broken. They just want to be with their mom. They seem to be pretty happy here, but that doesn't change who their mom is and the roll that she has played in their lives for nine and four years.

 

The truth is, although the circumstance has been spotty at best, she has made many efforts to meet their needs and give them the love and support they need. I have only heard good things about their mom from the kids. They love her dearly, and I can tell she loves them. She has taught them to be kind and well adjusted young children. They are smart, and do fairly well in school and they are very loving to those they are around. Even as we left the visit she hugged them so tightly and told them to be kind to each other, helpful and respectful to me, and to do their homework and other responsibilities. It is obvious she has been doing her best as a young mom going through trials of her own, and that makes the kids miss her even more. She is remembered by all of us during family prayer every night.

 

 

Thank you for your prayers in our behalf! It's crazy around here, and all the support is needed!