Life After Visits

There was once a simpler time that seems like it was to long ago to remember....the time before mom visits...

Before the kids had mom visits, they were starting to feel content and were settling in to the family dynamic. They would talk about their mom and the good times they all had together and some of the hard times but they respected and accepted as their parental figures.

Now, things are more complicated. We have more crying meltdowns which are always centered around mom. Their excitement builds as they prepare for a visit and they are sad and confused every time a visit ends. However, yesterday added a whole other level...

Little Big Man has been acting out at his extra curricular activities like scouts and is very hungry for attention. He wants to be in your face and on your mind at all times. When Tanner is home, it increases ten fold. This behavior is not surprising when you consider his past, and present. But, it still makes things hard when he's one of four kids, and the oldest of these four kids. So, this along with his academic struggles had become the forefront of where we choose to focus our attention with him.

So, to better remedy this problem, we have been putting the little kids to bed about an hour before he goes to bed. During that time, we read with him, do homework and sometimes make fools of ourselves playing "vintage" super Nintendo (I'm too cheap to buy those fancy doo hickies the kids are playing these days.) Last night during this time together we were reading the friend magazine that the church produces. While we were reading it,(an Easter story by the way, nothing to do with baptism) he stopped and asked if he could get baptized and be adopted. (In Utah, the only rights parents maintain when their kids are placed in state custody is the right to determine their religion. In fact, if their mom requested it, we could be required to keep the kids out of all religious services. For this reason, he cannot be baptized right now, it's not our decision that we can legally make. And it's part of why we haven't brought baptism up to him ourselves because we didn't want to upset him when he found out he can't be.)

So, we kind of stopped dead in our tracks when he asked us those questions. We looked at each other then back at him and explained that we love him and will always do our best to do what is best for him. We told him that we don't know if we can adopt him because his mom is trying to get better, but we will make sure he's safe. We also explained that since he isn't adopted yet, he cannot be baptized yet but that Heavenly Father loves him, and is watching out for him. He was comfortable with that, I wish I had more information for him but I don't think any of us do.

Essa is also struggling. She has wet her pants four times since coming home yesterday. This is common for children her age who have experienced trauma. It breaks my heart, she had only had one accident before but it was a case of being too busy and forgetting so she kinda walked and wet herself to the potty.

It's obvious that this is not fair or easy for the kids. I don't think any child should have to worry about anything other than what game they are going to play next. It really isn't fair that they don't get to be protected from it even after being removed from a harmful situation. I find comfort in knowing that children are most precious to our Heavenly Father, I know these kids have many guardian angels guiding their paths. I think of the story in 3 Nephi when Christ blessed each child one by one and prayed for them. Knowing that helps me know they are not alone, they'll make it, and they will be able to thrive....So will I.

3 Nephi 17
11 And it came to pass that he commanded that their little children should be brought.
12 So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought unto him.
13 And it came to pass that when they had all been brought, and Jesus stood in the midst, he commanded the multitude that they should kneel down upon the ground.
19 And it came to pass that Jesus spake unto them, and bade them arise.
20 And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.
21 And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.
22 And when he had done this he wept again;
23 And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
24 And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them.
25 And the multitude did see and hear and bear record; and they know that their record is true for they all of them did see and hear, every man for himself;

I know that our Savior loves us all just as he loved and blessed these children. I know that he is always there for us waiting to share this same love with us if we will reach out to him. This is the most amazing gift and I'm so grateful to know: He lives!